Surviving Infidelity:
Become Stronger and More Confident

Did you ever stop to think that the lessons learned from a betrayal could help you focus on becoming stronger, wiser, and more confident? After an affair, while surviving infidelity you will naturally spend lots of time thinking about your partner and what went wrong. But it's important to use the time after an affair to squarely face reality. Ask yourself: What important changes do I need to make in my own life?

Surviving infidelity means switching your focus back to you! Whether you choose to stay and work on the relationship or leave it, your approach should be focusing on staying true to yourself. Surviving infidelity is a different process for every person. But no relationship is worth compromising your hopes, plans, and dreams - in order to please another person. While we all must sacrifice from time to time in a relationship, none of us should lose ourselves within a relationship - or later while surviving infidelity and regrouping.

Staying with the wrong person is like wearing a pair of tight-fitting shoes throughout life. When surviving infidelity seems tough, remember to ask yourself, "Are there better things waiting for me up the road?" After an affair, a new career, a new partner, or a new environment or improved lifestyle can ensure that you get what you want and need out of life. Or, by opening communication with your cheating partner to "work things out," you may find more closeness - and an understanding that never existed before. After an affair, some people strive to become better and more devoted partners. Not everyone who cheats is selfish or wants to destroy their relationship.

Surviving infidelity means facing the fact that something - on some level - wasn't working in your relationship. It might have been the communication. It might have been your unwillingness to tolerate insensitive in-laws, or your issues about money. Ask enough questions to reveal the absolute truth after an affair. Ideally, your cheating partner will be willing to talk about these questions as well. It's important to give your relationship every possible chance - especially if there are children involved. Surviving infidelity can improve your self-confidence if you learn to trust your inner voice. Absolute truth will be your guidepost after an affair.

Think about questions like these while surviving infidelity and trying to cope: Were you placing hopes and dreams on the wrong person? Were you working too much and neglecting your partner? Did you ignore important facts about how mismatched you are as a couple? Surviving infidelity is often the turning point from wasting years of your life on the wrong person. So be honest with yourself about your cheating partner. Never sugarcoat his or her flaws for the sake of your children. Children are very sensitive to the real truth about character issues.

After an Affair: Reflecting on the Wake-Up Call
Why a Betrayal Can Save Your Future

"I'm actually thankful another woman enticed my ex-husband to stray," says a woman we'll call Bethany who reports she's learned a lot after surviving infidelity. "My ex and I married at 18, and two people couldn't have been more mismatched! I'm now with a partner who shares my values. I'm relaxed at the end of the day instead of being stressed out!"

Questions involving self-doubt are normal when surviving infidelity. When someone cheats on you, you'll naturally ask, "Wasn't I good-looking enough? How did I fail to please my partner? Aren't I exciting enough?" But don't put yourself down. Instead ask, "How are my values and the way I enjoy spending time different than my partner's? Why am I unwilling to compromise that?" Surviving infidelity should always include staying true to yourself. Perhaps he or she cheated when you wouldn't bend or change to accommodate their strange or selfish behavior.

In surviving infidelity, keep in mind that cheating is always a choice. Even if your partner was seduced at a vulnerable time, it was still a choice. Surviving infidelity will require you to understand why your spouse or partner made the decision to cheat. The "why" of that decision will reveal his or her true weaknesses. After an affair, should you entertain the idea of living with those weaknesses long term?

It's important to remember when surviving infidelity that people often cheat with another person who shares similar values. And, those values can be beneath your standards of behavior. For example, a man may drift off to a bar with a woman who drinks martinis five nights a week. Or, he might get involved with someone who has access to drugs. If those weaknesses insult your moral integrity, you're lucky to have had your dream world shattered sooner rather than later. Surviving infidelity is easier when you realize one simple fact: You don't want to waste 20 years with someone who's not willing to adhere to your morals and ethics.

Recognize Why You're Above a Bad Relationship
Surviving Infidelity via Healthy Self-Focus

There's nothing worse than ignoring your life goals for a bad relationship. After an affair, as you spend time reflecting on the coping skills you'll need for surviving infidelity, notice how you've had to twist yourself out of shape for a high maintenance relationship. With a high maintenance partner, you can't just get up and plan your day. You can't just rise and shine while anticipating work, friends, running errands, and grabbing a nice meal with your mate.

With partners like these, you'll have to plot and scheme to keep him or her happy. Watching this type of person's moods is like watching out for bad weather. With a difficult partner, someone usually spends a lot of precious time wondering how to manipulate - just to keep the pressure off. With such a person, it often takes major planning to get your own way - even when getting your way is something simple, healthy, and productive. Most of us have been in relationships like this at one time or another. Can't you just feel the knots in your stomach which are caused by this type of relationship?
 
A difficult partner with a self-centered attitude (who ends up cheating on you) often keeps you busy trying to steady his or her rocky boat. You won't have the time to row the boat on your own - your energy is spent bending yourself out of shape to accommodate the quirks of your partner. When you get tired of bending and stretching, your partner simply goes out and finds someone else who will. Congratulate the person who's foolish enough to accept this! In surviving infidelity, remember that the third person in your love triangle has freed you up to relax and focus on your own goals in life. Without that catalyst, you might have been stuck for years in a destructive relationship.

If you work through surviving infidelity and find out your mate is very willing to make amends and see a counselor together, that's great. Not all relationships should be ended after an affair. While surviving infidelity, the key to saving your relationship is to take a clear look at your partner's positive qualities. Becoming stronger and more confident will require clear thinking - and facing the facts you may have suppressed until now. By knowing exactly what you want and deserve after an affair ends, you may decide to hold together a workable relationship. Or you may choose to end a relationship that cannot meet your needs long-term.

Talking with a relationship expert is a good idea. It's important to discuss the stressful issues you've faced with someone removed from your personal circle of friends and family. An impartial counselor can help you resolve the issues that are important and should be dealt with - while helping you to move on with your life, with or without your current relationship.

Get Help Surviving Infidelity

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About Me

As a Professional Certified Life Coach, I'm in a unique position to help you. For nearly 30 years I've been coaching clients worldwide. My clients come to me for help surviving infidelity because they want to move on from the trauma and begin to heal. Working together, we'll create a plan for your emotional survival too.

My work with infidelity started in the early days of the Internet. It was during this period that - working with a small group of volunteers - I started the world's first online support group for people who became victims of Internet infidelity and cheating. We worked with hundreds of people worldwide, offering clients much needed support while they were surviving infidelity and rebuilding their lives.

Working together, you and I will create a successful process to help you let go of the past ... and help you move beyond surviving infidelity so that ultimately you'll find happiness again.

If you need help surviving infidelity, you'll be in good hands as I've "been there" and have come back with some powerful insights to share. You can reach me by phone or make a coaching appointment through this website. There is no charge for your initial consultation.

I'm a Penn State and U.C.L.A. graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a Master's Degree in Social Work. I'm a Certified Life Coach too, and I've worked with thousands of clients worldwide. You can see my professional credentials right here on this website.

I've created a professional coaching service that takes advantage of both my academic training over a period of two decades along with my professional experience coaching clients since 1981.

For more information about my services, feel free to call my office at 805-964-6574 or click here to go to my coaching page.

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