You Discovered Your Wife is
Cheating
Why Women Cheat: Surviving Infidelity
 You've discovered your wife is
cheating. The old stereotypes about cheating men - the husband working late... returning home with
lipstick on his collar... unexplained dinner receipts in his pocket... none of these make any sense to you at a
time like this. You may be shocked and overwhelmed to realize the world is changing faster than you can
comprehend. But why DO women cheat - especially in situations when they seem to have it
all: a loving husband, a family, and a thriving career?
It's hard to determine the exact percentage of women who cheat on their boyfriends or husbands, as many of the
statistics available are the result of self-reporting - an often unreliable information gathering method. However,
a number of sources, including the Associated Press, place the percentage of married women who already have, or
will engage in some sort of extramarital affair, between 35% - 60%. These statistics may seem shocking, but there
may be comfort in knowing that if your wife is cheating, you are hardly
alone.
So we know that the numbers of cheating women are on the rise. But why? In the past, an unfaithful wife was
often responding to issues of abandonment, or retaliating against her husband's own infidelity. Today's picture is
infinitely more complex.
Your Wife is Cheating: Then and
Now
For those of us old enough to remember watching reruns of "Leave it to Beaver," you may have the indelible image
imprinted on your mind of the happy, impeccable looking homemaker: a doting wife and mother who is most happy when
serving a warm meal to her brood at the end of the day. This stereotype of the 1950's has since proven hollow for
many women. Cheating
women, like a majority of their peers, often enjoy successful careers, financial independence and
satisfying relationships with adults other than their spouse. Where in the past, by social custom, the husband
was the center of his wife's universe, modern marriages are far more complicated. With the ever-evolving world
of technology thrown into the mix, it is easier and more tempting than ever for a woman to consider a
relationship outside the confines of her marriage.
Women Cheating: The Rise of the
Long Distance Relationship
The world is becoming more global. A number of modern marriages involve one or more partners who regularly
travel elsewhere for business. Due to the globalization of our economy, the distance and duration of these trips
only seems to get longer.
If your wife is cheating while you're away, it is important to keep in mind that long distance relationships
require an inordinate amount of work to ensure that they survive. Particularly if your wife is the one waiting long
periods for your return, she may seek comfort from her feelings of neglect in the arms of someone who appears more
stable and dependable.
According to USA Today, there are currently 2.5 to 3 million American marriages that fall into the long distance
category. It's true that modern conveniences like email, text messaging, and web chats provide a certain degree of
bonding when spouses are apart. But when women cheat, it is often because these technologies are simply no
replacement for the important day-to-day companionship.
Your Wife is Cheating:
The Revenge Factor
Though the reasons for female infidelity have become more complex over time, some of the old justifications
remain as relevant as ever. If a woman is aware of her partner's infidelity, or at least has suspicious of it, this
is often a powerful inducement to beginning an extramarital affair herself.
To develop the revenge idea a bit further, if your wife is cheating, perhaps she feels betrayed in areas of your
marriage outside the bedroom. Did one of your recent investment ideas go horribly awry? Did your wife recently
endure an emotional crisis without adequate emotional support from you? Whenever a trust is broken, a woman may
feel angry enough to retaliate - in this case with an illicit relationship.
What is the Impact of the Media
On the Rise in Female Adultery?
In recent months, media coverage of the affair between former North Carolina Senator John Edwards and campaign
staffer Rielle Hunter has reached a feverish pitch. In the process, Elizabeth Edwards, John's wife has been cast as
the cancer-stricken, victimized spouse.
But these days, a woman scorned does not get angry, she writes a book. In Elizabeth Edwards case, media
attention and wealth appear to be some sort of antidote to her feelings of betrayal. Alternatively, many women who
have been the victims of infidelity start looking for hookups themselves.
To put it another way, the social stigma attached to cheating women is gone. Previously, news that a wife is
cheating might have provoked scandal; now it barely registers as a surprise. If the cheating wife is remotely
famous, well, that just sells more papers. If your wife is cheating, it is important to be aware of the role of
media images play in socially normalizing this behavior.
Are Women More Adept at Cheating than
Men?
When a wife is cheating, it is often the case that the affair takes a long time to uncover. To understand this
pattern, it is important to recognize that the behaviors and precedents related to female infidelity are often
entirely different than their cheating male counterparts.
For example, when a wife cheats on her husband, she is more likely to have an emotional affair. Women are less
likely than men to have "one-night stands" while cheating. Given this trend, it stands to reason that unfaithful
women often feel a perverse protection of the relationship, viewing it as a necessary supplement to whatever is
missing from their marriage. With a higher investment in their extramarital affairs, it's easy to see why cheating
women take more time to prevent discovery.
Your Wife is Cheating:
The Warning Signs
If your wife is not cheating right now, will she become unfaithful to you later? The following patterns often
predict the advent of an extramarital affair:
♦ Unusual and Unexplained Behavior
You may have reason to believe your wife is cheating - or is about to cheat - if your normally composed spouse
suddenly appears furtive, anxious, or secretive; if favorite articles of clothing suddenly go missing; if
mysterious letters, messages or emails are read, then seem to be quickly put away when you enter the room.
Of course there are many explanations for atypical behavior of this kind, but they are also fairly reliable
indicators that you may be headed for a relationship breakdown triggered by infidelity.
♦ Change in Sexual Appetite
Things were once hot in the bedroom between you and you spouse. Now it seems you go to bed just to sleep. Again,
there are many possibilities that account for emotional and physical distance in a relationship. However, this form
of withdrawal is frequently a sign that your wife's needs are being met elsewhere.
♦ Decreased Companionship
Your wife used to wait for you excitedly at the end of each day, eager to discuss the sometimes trivial events
while you were gone. Lately, it seems like you're one of the last people she wants to speak with.
Although none of these symptoms directly leads to infidelity, these warning signs can help you decide if your
wife is cheating, or may be about to cheat. Making an appointment with a trained relationship coach is always recommended
if you're uncertain about the state of your marriage.
Your Wife is Cheating:
Tips for Surviving Infidelity
Be aware that knowledge is power. Once you've discovered that your wife is cheating, then you're in a position
to do something about it. At a time like this, you are likely to feel a mixture of emotions: anger, hurt, confusion
and shock. All of these are normal and you should allow yourself to feel and express them.
If you do not feel you can calmly and rationally discuss the infidelity with your wife, then it is especially
important that you seek some outside support from a Professional Life Coach.
Relationship
help is just a phone call
away!
Website Content © 2012 Jay Reiss, M.S.W.
All Rights Reserved
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