Help! My Boyfriend is
Gay
Your Boyfriend is Cheating with Other Men
 You've been hit with the ultimate double whammy:
not only have you learned that your boyfriend is
cheating, but it also appears that your boyfriend is gay. Perhaps you heard the
whispers about his sexuality before you began dating, but you just didn't want to believe them. How could the
man you've loved deceive you not once - but twice? Infidelity is hard enough to deal with, but the additional
pain of learning your boyfriend is gay has launched you into a tailspin.
It's normal to be not only surprised, but feel a host of other sensations too: anger, humiliation, and maybe
even self-loathing. Your boyfriend is gay. How could you not know about it? While it is human to
want to assign blame, the last person to blame should be you. If your boyfriend is cheating - and your boyfriend is
gay - it's not your fault that you "didn't see it coming."
My Boyfriend is Gay... My boyfriend is
Cheating
What Now - Can Things Get Even Worse?
Before you take any action or make any decisions, the first thing to do is take care of
yourself. You've experienced a terrible blow. Reach out to your closest friends and family members, and
see a doctor as soon as you can. Remember: your boyfriend is cheating. Since your mate has also been dishonest
about his sexuality, you may wonder what else he's been up to. You should have a full workup of STD
screenings on the double.
Equally important, if your boyfriend is gay and your boyfriend is cheating, you'll have to look after your
mental health too. The advice and support of a Professional Life Coach can help you
through the pain you're experiencing. A Life Coach can assist you with an Action Plan too. Empower yourself at
this heartbreaking time - you really shouldn't go through this alone.
My Boyfriend is Cheating
Warning Signs that Your Boyfriend is Gay
Perhaps you are now wondering if your boyfriend is gay. You may feel conflicted about approaching him now, and
there may be some reasons to wait. Consider the following warning signs, which may help you confirm your
suspicions:
Scoping out other men - Maybe you've tried to ignore it. Have you
noticed when you two are out together that your boyfriend's eyes start to wander? (And not toward other women!).
Maybe he can explain why he's been looking at other men, but it's possible your boyfriend is cheating. And maybe
your boyfriend is gay - especially if those admiring looks are taken a step further when you're not around and
watching. It's not exactly scientific, but listen to your gut at times like this. Where there's smoke, there is
very often fire.
Gay bashing - This may seem counterintuitive, but if your
boyfriend is gay, one of the signs can be his outspoken distaste for homosexuals and their lifestyle. If your mate
is struggling with his own sexuality, then his lashing out at "the very thing he doesn't wish to be" may be a
classic symptom of denial. If your boyfriend is cheating with individuals of either sex, it could be that he is
trying to assert his "straight" male virility. Or maybe he's secretly indulging a side of himself that he is not
yet ready to confront.
Online activities - Does your boyfriend have a MySpace or
Facebook profile - one that you never knew existed? Does he secretly visit chat rooms or web sites devoted to
homosexual activity? In the 21st century, Internet habits like these can be one way to see if your boyfriend is gay
and not talking about it.
I Think My Boyfriend is
Cheating
But How Can I Be Sure?
It's bad enough if you suspect that your boyfriend is gay, but the situation goes from bad to worse if you're
afraid that your boyfriend is cheating on you too. How can you tell if you're on the right track - or just a victim
of suspicion and paranoia? The following warning signs may help.
♦ Internet behaviors - We've said it already, and we'll say it again. The web has
become a haven for cheating. Suspicious instant messages. Visiting sexually themed websites. Even mysterious social
networking profiles may provide evidence that your boyfriend is cheating.
♦ Sudden unavailability - You and your boyfriend used to be virtually inseparable.
Now it is all you can do to get him on the phone. While he may have a good explanation for his disappearing act -
work, family, etc. - a prolonged separation, and his apparent lack of concern, may be a sign that your boyfriend is
cheating.
♦ Emotional detachment - Has your once sympathetic partner become callous or
unfeeling toward you? Does he seem too preoccupied with other things to even notice you? If these are the symptoms,
it quite possible your boyfriend is cheating. If he has mentally checked out of your relationship, that could very
well be because he's checking in with someone else.
♦ Intuition - Too often, and for a variety of reasons, we don't listen to ourselves -
with disastrous results. If you "just know" that your boyfriend is cheating, there's a chance that you just might
be right. Learn to trust yourself, especially if there's other evidence to consider too. Your suspicions may end up
confirmed.
If you're feeling more certain that your boyfriend is gay, or even worse, that your boyfriend is cheating, get
help and get it today. You are not
Superwoman, and it is only natural to need assistance in coping with this emotional avalanche. A trained
professional can help you work through the trauma you are very likely experiencing right now.
My Boyfriend is Gay, But He's Dating
Me: Why?
You have been victimized twice. Your mate has lied about his sexuality, and to make matters worse, it seems
likely that your boyfriend is cheating. If he's gay as well as unfaithful, it is very easy to wonder why he entered
a relationship with you.
If your boyfriend is gay, it's very possible that he knew this before your relationship started. For a variety
of reasons, many homosexual men struggle in coming to terms with who they are. Perhaps he fears societal or family
rejection. It may be of little comfort to you now, but perhaps you provided some form of emotional "safety" for
your gay boyfriend. Just because your boyfriend is gay doesn't mean he never cared for you.
Even so, hiding behind you is completely unfair, and your feelings of anger and betrayal are perfectly
understandable. Do not struggle in shame behind closed doors. This problem is more common than you think. An
experienced Life Coach can help you deal with the
fallout of learning that your boyfriend is gay - and perhaps even cheating on you at the same time.
Your Boyfriend is Cheating
The Most Difficult Conversation of Your Life
It is normal to feel powerless in this situation. Your boyfriend is gay, and up to now, he has called all the
shots. Not only has he been dishonest about his sexuality, but now you believe your boyfriend is cheating on you
too. You want answers, and you are entitled to them. If you have any doubts about your ability to confront your
mate in a calm and rational manner, seek help in developing an action plan. Once you are certain you are ready, the
following guidelines can help prepare you for the confrontation:
Keep a cool head - Hysterics are not going to get your point
across if your boyfriend is gay, or even worse, if your boyfriend is cheating as well. Although it's normal to feel
like you might explode with all the pain and anger you're feeling, indulging in these emotions will not lead to a
constructive conversation. Remember: your boyfriend may be just as confused and in as much pain as you are - if not
more. It may seem very difficult right now, but trying to understand his perspective can help you
in many ways too. If your boyfriend is gay, talking about it rationally will work better than throwing plates
against the wall while having a screaming argument.
Be honest - If your boyfriend is cheating, you'll need to remain
calm, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him how you feel. If your boyfriend is gay, and maybe even
unfaithful, no matter how conflicted HE may feel, keeping all of YOUR feelings hidden is wrong. It is OK to tell
him how you're feeling, as long as you can do it with dignity. After all, this relationship is long overdue for
some honesty, right?
Be prepared - If your boyfriend is gay, he may not be ready to
confront the truth. You must steel yourself for the possibility that you'll never get a straight answer out of him.
Likewise, if your boyfriend is cheating, he may not yet be ready to admit it.
When Your Boyfriend is Gay
Moving Forward is Important for You
As difficult as it may be, you probably already know that if your boyfriend is cheating, as well as gay, it is
unlikely that your relationship will be salvageable. However, you can still cut ties and preserve your dignity.
It is critically important to remember that it is not your "fault" that
your boyfriend is gay. He has likely struggled with this long before you met him. If your boyfriend is
cheating, you may be tempted to cast him in the roll of the villain, but hate will prevent you from moving on.
You are enduring a terrible trial, no doubt. You may wonder if there's life after learning your boyfriend is
gay, and worse, that your boyfriend is cheating on you too. There is. We can help. The support you
need is just a phone call or email away.
Relationship
help is just a phone call
away!
Website Content © 2012 Jay Reiss, M.S.W.
All Rights Reserved
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